The essays below are examples of student reponses & success stories for various Stealth Missions and Psyche Builders required to complete in our NLP Practitioner and NLP Master Practitioner Trainings. Some are more detailed, some less. They are unedited.
By Jim Adams – Module 9 : NLP Practitioner Training
Part 1 & 2: For each meta program mentioned in this module, identify YOUR tendency. Then say how your tendency benefits or hinders you and what you might change.
1. Toward or Away: In retrospect, I’ve swung the pendulum back and forth (not noticing of course). In general I’m most certainly a Toward person. I’ve also realized I do my best when I’m advancing versus when I’m retreating. Having both is a must for me to hit the sweet spot, with the greater majority weighted to the Toward direction. My wife agreed.
Moving toward serves me because I love to chase. When I’m chasing something I tend not to be encumbered by negative thoughts and feelings because I’m focused on what it takes to get somewhere or something. Moving away really adds a great extra turbo boost for me because I can’t fail and I can’t let my loved ones down. Those two things are deep values for me. Also if I make a promise and then I don’t feel like doing it, my sense of honoring my word and my sense of obligation far overpowers any negative mental state.
I would like to be more aware of the effect of considering both directions in one equation. I think my energy and motivation would be stronger.
2. Internal or External Motivation: I’m mostly internal – almost always. I have noticed, however, that when it comes to my obligation to my family as a husband and father, I am extremely motivated. I have a very strong desire and will to not let my family down – especially when it comes to honoring my word. If I promise or tell them I’m going to do something, come hell or high water, I’m getting it done. In general though, I am internally motivated. My wife confirmed that also.
Internal motivation serves me to grow, expand, and experience a full and rich life. I find great pleasure in doing things most people don’t want to do or think can’t be done. Internal motivation is what pushes me beyond the status quo – which I absolutely detest. External motivation serves me by always being a reminder that life is NOT about just me. I am only just a small but significant part of this life. External motivation pushes me to expand into consideration of others, compassion, and forgiveness. I would like to be more considerate of what motivates others when attempting to serve them. There are times when I attempt to serve someone else but realize they are not motivated by what I’m motivated by.
3. Proactive or Responsive Approach: I’m mostly proactive when it comes to most things: date night, my health and fitness, maintaining my yard, maintaining my tools, doing the dishes, keeping the house picked up. I am not a status quo person. I’m sure I am responsive when it comes to some things but I can’t think of any having thought now for 10 minutes. My wife says not really an issue anymore but for over a decade she said I wouldn’t pick up my clothes, shoes, and socks without her telling me to.
Proactivity serves me by allowing me to get ahead. It allows me to continue to expand and maintain that expansion because I’m proactively maintaining. Like the Bible verse that says if you’re faithful with little you will be given much. I live by that. When I stop being faithful with what I have is when what I have begins to decrease. Just like if I don’t maintain my car, it’s going to break down eventually. Responsive serves me because it gives me the option of taking care of things that need attention immediately. There is no way I can know everything and in which order to give my attention. Being able to respond to an immediate need allows me to put my attention on something or things in a flexible and dynamic fashion.
4. Vague or Specific Examples: Oh my achilles heel – vagueness. I’ve typically been in such a hurry that I usually don’t stop to get the details of most conversations (until the Meta Model Module LOL). I’m specific when it comes to doing my job at work. I’m specific when it comes to having a kick ass garden. Things I typically do by myself, I’m specific. My internal dialogue on projects that involve just me, I’m specific. All other times I’m realizing vagueness has ruled and it is debilitating. My wife strongly agrees with this one.
Vague serves me by not having to fully engage my mind on every little thing when I know the in between details. Vague serves me in my marriage in the sense that my wife and I are so entangled that most of the time we read each others minds. On the other hand the habit of vague with my wife has also been a stressor. While I enjoy the convenience of vague, I must be cognizant and acutely aware to be specific as often as possible – especially when it comes to new things and very important things. Specific serves me best in this way. New things, new people, important things, and important people are best handled by me with specificity. Specific also serves me best when accuracy and details are critical. I want to be much more acutely aware of when I’m either being or allowing vagueness in conversation. Oh how life will tighten up.
5. Self or Others Motivation: I would say this is a toss up. When it comes to my health and fitness I am self motivated. When it comes to being a husband, father, and friend, I’m very others motivated. All leading back to my insistence that I do a good job in the role that I play. My wife agrees.
Self motivation serves me because when my cup is full, I have more to give to others. I’ve learned it not only OK, but essential that I do things for myself. I’m better for others when I’m good with myself. That’s how self serves me. Others motivation serves me because having other people in my life makes me better. Having others in my life gives life fullness and completeness in me. My experience would be a speck of what it is today if I didn’t have to step up for and because of others. Others bring out the best in me.
Anonymous student – The As-If Frame
The annoying problem that I have is worrying about my 26-year old son’s college degree. This has been an ongoing problem, He graduated from high school at age 17, and since then he has been studying on and off, passing and not passing classes.
He is hopefully at his last year, failed a class last semester, and if he fails it again this semester, he will not be allowed to continue his studies, unless he appeals to the dean and the dean approves. It is not certain that he will approve, because it already happened once with another class and he approved at that time.
I projected the problem to mid March 2017, six months from now. I pictured the problem as resolved. My son finished his first semester in December and passed all his classes, including the one that I was worried about. In March 2017 he is in the middle of the second semester, taking the remaining classes to finish his degree.
In the past I used to nag my son very often about his academic progress. It didn’t really seem to help, neither the nagging nor the advises I gave him.
When I pictured the problem as resolved I felt relief, and my hope grew stronger that my son will finish his degree soon.
Steps that I took to solve the problem: I realized that based on past experience it wasn’t in my control to solve it. It was my son’s responsibility and one of the life choices that he makes. So I stopped nagging him from mid September, 2016, and tried to let go.
So what I changed in my behavior was the doing (nagging) into not doing (letting my son handle his classes).
I can try , as much as I can, to apply this strategy in the future. I can still give advise but not nag, and try to dissociate and stay calm.
By Ben Kissam – Core Transformation
1. The part of me that decides eating junk food or eating in excess to feel good or as a reward is an appropriate behavior.
1a. At night, usually by myself, going to the grocery store or at my home.
2. The part of me is seeking acknowledgement for my hard work, giving me a pat on the back or a reward for the things I’m doing that are going unnoticed. This part knows that I have been starved of consistent celebration in my life from anyone, which I didn’t even know until I went through this exercise.
3. It began with acknowledgement, which led to unwavering support, which led to me searching for unconditional love from another person, which allowed me to pursue my purpose without inhibition, to finally feel a sense of freedom to impact as many people as I can in the world, which, rendered down to the very core, meant I would have peace.
4. Part 4 in the responses says to experience the wellspring, so I’ll reflect on it (not sure that’s correct?). With peace, I can feel my need to search for instant gratification disappearing. I feel more in control and present in my decision making, and that gives me confidence and causes insecurities to erode. It’s a beautiful place to be.
5. B) By having peace, I feel my deepest insecurities and hangs up disappear. The meaning I’ve attached to being rewarded with praise by others feels far less important, though still nice. I feel a deep yearning desire to seek out the praise that comesfrom higher sources, both spiritual and human in nature.
C. I actually went through and recorded my voice for each of these. Here is an abbreviated transcription.
“With peace, I am able to express gratitude and slow down, to say thank you who have helped me. To serve others more and be less selfish. Share my time with others. I stop beating myself up over silly things, because I can fix anything. I’m in control. My choices are mine. I’m consistent- with my actions, and with my character. With peace I can heal, and let go of things that hurt me earlier in life and forgive people.”
“With freedom, I’m free to explore, to pursue my goals, to venture out into new things. I’m free of judgment and hatred, and of presuppositions. Free of my own inhibitions and fears.”
“With purpose, I have a reason to serve others. To develop my skill set and help people in a nurturing way. With purpose, I am confident I can raise a family someday, and to instill values in my kids that I wasn’t taught. With purpose, everything I do isn’t necessarily part of a strategy, but just what I do because I know it’s right. It embodies character.”
“With the love of another, I’ve formed a partnership. I can prove I’m the person I know I can be by having a reason to make the right choices. I am mature enough to correct mistakes when I make them. I’ve got someone who does the same thing for me, and has my back.”
“With support, I have someone in my corner. Someone to help me talk through things or to pick me up off my feet. To gain perspective. To remind me of my expressed purpose and vision, and why I’m doing it in the first place. To remind me that if I fail, they’ll still be there.”
“With acknowledgement, I’m freed up already, in a way. I’m not putting as much pressure on myself to succeed. I can be more calculated in how I celebrate my successes. I don’t always need a pat on the back, but can appreciate the pats I’ve gotten. I can get back to work more easily and be consistent. With peace, I don’t think I need as much acknowledgement at all.”
D) I discovered that this part of me is 8 years old. This number just came to me. Scarily true story, I texted my mom after the exercise was over to see what year my dad lost his job when I was a kid (and the years of his alcoholism began). I was 8 years old.
H) I did the timeline exercise and discovered some really profound things, definitely many of which were repressed memories from some of the difficult years of my childhood.
I) “Having peace transformed my experience of overeating and making bad food choices in a way that leaves me craving less acknowledgement. It feels like constant acknowledgement and celebration is more sinful than anything, and that when I operate from a basis of having peace and resourcefulness, I can make choices that better serve me. I can delay gratification to receive praise down the road.”
By Borislava Loboshka
I did the exercise with a client of mine. She was nervous about a big project that was coming and was afraid she will not make it (Future Associated). We discussed her worries and concerns, I asked her about her past experience related to handling a similar situations. She shared she felt the same way when she was promoted and she took lots of new responsibilities (Past Associated). Then, I asked her what helped her there to cope with all those responsibilities, how she managed the situation and what she had learnt form that? (Past Dissociated). We discussed how she could apply those in the future and what would her desired outcome from this project be. What would she benefit and learn from it? (Future Dissociated). We continued with how she would feel once the project is successful (Future Associated).
So, the client started at Future Associated, moved to the rest 3 quadrants and ended at Future Associated again but instead of feeling nervous and afraid, she was like enthusiastic.
By Satish Shenoy : Module 3
A quick background about myself: I have been functioning as a Life Coach during my free time, albeit without formal training, for well over a decade. Hence I meet with a whole lot of people who need counseling and guidance all the time.
I decided to use this Stealth Mission on two individuals over the last few days. Details below:
(1) Teenager with a smoking addiction: I had been speaking to him for over a month trying to get him to follow a few simple instructions and he had never complied, though he had always promised to. When I sat down with him the last time, I made him the object of my Stealth Mission.
I started with the easiest of the six elements: Speech. I noticed that I am a deep, slow speaker whereas he spoke rapidly in a pitch that was higher than mine. I changed my speech to match his tone and speed. The first thing I noticed was that I myself started feeling closer to him! Suddenly I had more empathy toward him.
Next I noticed that I liked to sit still whereas he moved around in his seat and gestured a lot. I had to force myself to do the same while it was my turn to speak, but it wasn’t as difficult as I had imagined it to be, and I also noticed that it was equally easy to breath shallowly and rapidly like he did.
With our age gap I couldn’t at that time think of any common experiences to share with him, and being my first attempt at such an exercise, I never got down to noticing his modalities.
However, I felt that I had had a deeper impact on him, and this was confirmed when he called me up two days later (he had NEVER himself called me before) and told me he had taken the few steps I had asked him to and that he was feeling so much more positive and in control.
This Stealth Mission has helped me break through a barrier …. Thank You!
(2) Lady with a hospitalized husband: A close family friend, her husband was admitted in the hospital for a planned surgical procedure, not very major. She become the second object for my Stealth Mission when she come over, anxious, distressed and in tears because some complications had came up during her husband’s surgery.
Trying to calm her down with reassurances did not work; she had her own perceptions and ‘premonitions’ about how everything was taking a downturn in her husband’s condition.
Taking recourse from the Stealth Mission, I initially matched her agitated speech, gestures, and rapid breathing, leaning forward every time she did, and continued doing that for several minutes.
Next I slowed down my rate of speech, brought down the pitch to my normal low tone, and started breathing deep and slow. In a few moments she mimicked all that I had done and minutes later was noticeably calmer and under control, it was like magic! By the time she left, she was a different person.
(On a side-note, her husband is currently well on his way to recovery)
I am guessing the reason why she followed me so easily was because I already had rapport with her and was trusted by her in the first place. I am grateful for the opportunity to have helped her when I did, and even more grateful to the NLP techniques that made it so much easier for both of us.
Stephanie : Module 5 Psyche Builder 2
Now in my life, the best two decisions I made are also the worst decisions I made earlier. My personal coaching with Jenny had given me a good insight into discovering myself. One day, Jenny just reminded me what I had taught her in listing down her needs. She said since I had taught this, why don’t I do it myself? Ok, she had just rang a bell in me and I decided to do it myself.
I’ve known my current boyfriend for two years and I just felt that he’s the one whom I’ll like to spend the rest of my life. In fact, we are planning to start a family soon. I’m so happily in love with him, and we couldn’t wait to see each other every day. This applied to my house buying strategy too. I’m going to move to another new house with my boyfriend in three months time, this house is exactly the dream house which I’m looking forward to.
Examples of Strategies:
* Visualize myself using it (internal visual)
* Do I really need it? (internal dialogue)
* If yes, research the model/type/make/price (internal visual)
* Who shall I ask for an opinion (internal dialogue based on external reference meta-program)
* Ask Jack and Bob (external auditory)
* Yes, that feels right (kinesthetic)
* Where shall I buy from? (internal dialogue)
* Consider Internet/shop/mail order (internal visual)
* Yes, that feels right (kinesthetic)
* That would look great on me (external visual)
* Try it on (external kinesthetic)
* Looks good, feels good (external visual and external kinesthetic)
Key Take Aways:
* Improve a strategy, copy a strategy, or create a new one. Strategies are your recipes for success. Use stragey elicitation to figure out somebody else’s success.
* Identify the details of thoughts, feelings and actions. Don’t just going through the motions. It’s more than the mechanical act of performing a task. Success depends on precision. Normally, you just notice behavior. If you don’t know the sequence of thoughts and the details such as the internal dialogue or visuals, you limit your success. This applies whether you’re improving a strategy, copying a strategy or creating a new one.
* Identify your strategies that work and don’t. Knowing is half the battle. Your best habits are your best recipes. Capture them for future use. Identify the habits you need to change.
* Use strategies to change habits. When you fully understand the pattern of your bad habits, it’s easier to change them. Since they are habits, it’s likely you’re on auto-pilot and you’re not conscious of all the subtle sequences of thoughts, feelings, and actions that support your habit. When you make the pattern explicit, you can change the recipe more effectively.
* Create new strategies for success. Do you have a new skill you want to learn? Is there an area of your life where you might have potential, but you need some strategies? It’s a perfect place to practice strategy elicitation.
* Model the best. Find mentors for something you want to be great at. Practice eliciting their strategies.
Focus where you get the most return. You can tweak and tune all your habits or you can focus on the vital few. I recommend to focus on the few habits that hold you back and on the few habits that will take your game to the next level. You likely have a few unique skills that separate you from the pack. Rather than try to make all your good skills great, make a few of your great skills outstanding.
If you’re not achieving the outcomes you want, change your strategies. Borrow and learn from the best of the best that already have strategies that work.
By Garth Vickers – Module 7 Psyche Builder
It’s amazing how this this is playing out in my life. I have one aunt that I haven’t spoken to in more than 16 years. We have an experience when I was a teenager and for that reason every time I thought of her she appears to be a monster. I was able to use this module in an incredible way. I was able to see my aunts personality and behavior tiny little pin in the end of my exercise. Then suddenly she appears as if she was a beautiful person according to my feeling. I called her while I was in that state and we had a beautiful and rational conversation which I believe was amazing.
By Siti Norhuda : Meta Model
I bumped into an old friend a few days ago. Now here’s my chance to do the stealth mission.
H: Hello Angie. Its been donkey years since we last met. How are you doing?
A: Hi Huda. Yep. That would be 5 years ago. I am doing great. What about you?
(oopps..not going as what I expected.. she passed the ball to me)
H: Great. Great. Tell me the things happened to you.. that makes you look glowing all over.
A: (giggling) You think so? Well. I recently met this guy. We had been friends years ago but we lost contact. He came to my office for a meeting with my colleague over some general insurance contract renewal. That’s how we found each other. And we seem to pick up where we left at an instant. He is still the way he is. Charming, still look fit…. (yadda..yadda yadda..can’t help feeling a bit jealous.. maintained my smile and genuinely happy for her).
Yep. Even by being vague, we can derive tonnes of information. And the best thing is, it makes them share voluntarily. They become more open to you.
By Steve McVey : Core State
Step 1. Choosing A Part to Work With
Catriona is a 23 year old who feels a great deal of anxiety when she has to drive her car. She had a no injury but expensive accident approximately 3 years ago that was her fault. This anxiety can reach panic proportions at times. The part tells her she is dangerous to other road users and shouldn’t be there.
Step 2. Discovering the Purpose/First Intended Outcome
The outcome she first identified was that of safety. She couldn’t separate her safety with the safety of others. She wanted everyone to be safe.
Step 3. Discovering the Outcome Chain
Harmony – Core State
Step 4. The Core State: Reaching the Wellspring Within
During this phase there was a change in posture and an apparent reduction in facial tension.
Step 5. Reversing the Outcome Chain With the Core State
b) Catriona felt she had lost her right to be a valued adult due to her carelessness. Having this core state provided her the right to feel like an adult again. She felt a strength and self-belief she had not had for a while.
c) With Catriona in her core state she saw that she already had the intended outcomes. She realised that she had nothing to prove to anyone else and certainly not to herself. She mentioned having her core state showed clearly that she hadn’t stopped being responsible, mature or even in control.
d) The part presented with an age of 5. Catriona felt the age represented a small child. It is old enough to know better but still very immature and without great responsibility.
e) Catriona felt attached to the part but definitely identified it as being attached rather than integrated with her. She felt that in time with practice she could bring it all inside.
f) We reviewed the outcome chain and Catriona stated she was happy with it.
g) A review of Catriona’s ecology showed that while she ‘knew’ the core state was appropriate for her, part of her questioned whether she deserved it. The core state was accepted after we reviewed the chain.
h) Having this core state historically, provided Catriona the opportunity to see how she had experienced delayed maturity due to the intended outcomes she had for herself. She identified that she could have engaged with much more confidence in some aspects of her early life and even done things she chose not to. The fact that she is still quite young encouraged her that her future will engage this core state more often and this will result in her engaging in higher risk activities.
i) Having this stage already transforms her anxiety based around the need to drive. She stated that she had 3 years of incident free driving before the incident and that she can see that she is a good, safe and responsible driver.
The next day Catriona drove to my office to ‘show’ me that she could do it.
By Ian C Mason : Module 4 experience with anchoring.
I in fact decided to do 2 of these one with my girlfriend and one with my best friend’s son, the first was a visual anchor done on my girlfriend, I noticed she was in a romantic giddy type of state I have not really noticed it before, well not that pronounced, so I waited until it seem to get to a peak and I raised my eyebrows at her and tilted my head to one side, after about an hour she had seem to returned to a normal state (happy) so I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head at her I noticed very quickly she returned to similar state not exactly the same but close, I repeated this throughout the weekend when she would least expect anything was happening, I noticed that her state got stronger each time I did it, I experimented with just the raising of my eyebrows but this didn’t have an effect, I also did it just by tilting my head to one side, but I saw no real response or change in her state but when I combined the two visual actions together it started to have an effect on her. Maybe it would have worked if the first time I would of just done either of them.
The second one was my best friend’s son who has gone into business with his father, he is a confident young man but has no sales experience, his father asked me to do some sales training with him because they have to do cold calling at Real Estate agents on a regular basis, I gave him a script to learn and went with him on a few calls to see how he got on, he did well but a lack of confidence was holding him back and it showed. So what I did was I did the pitches with almost an air of over confidence when he looked at me he smiled and I could read on his face a look of awe almost, so the next time I did this I gave him a slight punch on the arm almost like a fist pump and he without warning starting to take over the conversation with the client from me, I repeated this over several other sales calls and tried it before we went in to see a customer, I worked out he almost was mirror imaging me without knowing it. As I cannot be with him all the time his father gives him that little anchor.
Satish Senoy – Module 5 – Motivation Strategies.
Interestingly and ironically, the very thing I was struggling in life right now was to be able to complete my NLP certification!
This last session on Decision Strategies has been EXTREMELY HELPFUL to help me change my strategy and get going again.
So this is where I was, motivating myself negatively by telling myself:
“You have to do it … or it will fall by the wayside and will never get done”
“If you don’t complete it, it is a total waste of the money you have spent on it”
“What if you meet people who ask you for your qualifications in NLP, where is your certification?”
Not surprisingly, none of the above worked for me; I have not completed an exam since I did Module-4 several, several weeks ago.
This is what helped me get back on track, and will hopefully keep me there:
1. I have an important meeting coming up mid of this month, and if things work out I could do a Contract with a large organization. I SEE myself displaying my NLP Certificate as part of my portfolio during the meeting, and it is helping things go my way for me <>
2. I SEE my new business card displaying the words: “NLP Practitioner”
3. I HEAR conversations between me and my potential clients where I explain (as an NLP Practitioner) how NLP can help people evolve out of their rut, and do things they never thought they could
4. I have a FEELING of fulfillment as the dream I have chased for so long is finally coming to fruition
Dave J Nelson : Module 8 first exercise
This was a fun one. I actually paid someone on my team a vague compliment this morning by saying ‘you’re working hard.’ This person is a very high performer, and in fact was an Olympic athlete so working hard is not out of the ordinary for them, yet, I still find it important to compliment them. I do tend to give open-ended compliments as I like them to think about specifically why I made the compliment, and what activities are they doing that they can do more of. Again, this isn’t me being specific in the activity, although sometimes specificity is important, it was more pointing out a positive character trait, and for them to assign that to a chosen activity. I think this is more motivating because they may be working very hard at something that they want to be recognized for, that I am not necessarily recognizing or aware of, that they want to highlight in their own mind. Interestingly, he didn’t reply with a thank you, but actually replied with an activity outside of work that he was proud of that he worked for! He and his wife went for a run in the rain yesterday, running 6 miles, despite there being a thunderstorm – in his head, this was where he wanted to assign the compliment. I had no idea that had taken place, and not necessarily where I would’ve assigned it, but it meant something to him, and for me, it makes the compliment that much better! Very cool.
Ian C Mason : Module 7, exercise #2
I have a very good friend of 20 years who is writing her first book, over the last few months she has what I think they call writers block, well that was she told me, she couldn’t write anymore the motivation wasn’t there and I can’t come up with any ideas, I decided to ask her bit more about how she was really feeling, I asked her several questions, for instance how she felt when she was about to write, the answer I got was frustration really, but when I noticed she had gone to Visual construction and Kinesthetic memory with her eye movement, I knew that they was more to this, I must point out we are very close so I could ask more probing questions, when you think about writing what do you see in your head, she replied a clown with a dunces hat on, which kind of shocked me a bit as she has a very high IQ and she is very smart, she explained to me after I had asked more questions that this was a big picture almost in her face full colour and I know she is a little scare of clowns anyway.
I thought she went to visual construct because I felt she was trying to construct a vision in her head of how she wanted to visualise the outcome of this book and she went to kinaesthetic memory because some feeling in her past was hindering her in her writing.
She does know I am studying NLP and she is very encouraging to me, so we decided to really get to the bottom of things, without listing all my questions, I starting with her visual modalities, the clown which was bright, colourful and very large, just a picture no movement like a huge blown up photograph.
Her auditory modalities where much softer in head almost like a whisper, saying things like she will never finish this book and I will fail in this as I have in other things, I asked was it the clown that was saying this but she assured me it wasn’t, it was hear own voice, I asked her if that voice was connected to something different in her past, now I do know her mother was very demanding of her and she felt this whatever she did it would not be good enough, ( at this stage I thought maybe I should not go further as I am new to this but she loves me and trusts me so I did continue)
I concluded that the auditory was in stereo but one side it was her whispering and the other it was her past experiences with her mother,
I then got her feelings and emotions I knew when she looked down that there were past feelings that were causing a block, so we delved a bit more, I she was feeling very deflated, all the time not just when she wanted to write, frightened that whatever she did it would not be good enough to satisfy her own high expectation of herself and others, she would have slight panic attacks and sweaty palms,
I did say to her that I will talk to her and reassure her, after several hours of chatting, we deduced that whatever she had done in her life she has never really finished or concluded what she had started, this was down to her feelings of failure and how other saw her. The clown had been a vision for quite a while.
So basically I told her to really look at that clown, first of all visualise it without the dunces hat on and see if that make you feel better, now imaging that clown as a small image like it was 500 yards away, the voices in your head of you mother imaging they are of me encouraging and motivating you, we tried this several times and I could see her body language changing the way she was moving her eyes to visual memory of good times we have had, and when she looked downwards I could see a smile,
I decide to try something I had learnt over the last month, I said did she have a vision of what the front cover of her book would be, she said she did, so I said for her to visualise it look up to visual memory and anchor that image in her head so that when she wanted to write her vision was one that would give her a motivational feeling and one of her believe in her self that she could be a successful writer, I told to tell herself that she was now a writer and that is my profession , I then decided to try the swish pattern and replace the one of the clown with the one of the book cover. I have to say I was exhausted after spending a few hours of this, but she is very important to me and I am so glad what I have learnt so far has helped someone so special to me.
She phoned me last night and said she had read what she had written so far and it was amazing and she really thought this will be a great book and she was going to start written again with a new focus and passion.
Dillon Toechroeb : Module 3
I found this stealth mission to be quite interesting. I chose to do this mission with a complete stranger to see how easy or difficult it would be for me to build rapport with them. I started my mission in a local cafe and found a man who seemed to be uptight, sitting very rigid. After introducing myself we began small conversation and got on the topic of his career. He told me he was a freelance writer and was able to travel while working. We established a connection based off of this, as I was interested in working while travelling.
I matched his body language by sitting upright, very stiff, darting my eyes as he did when asked questions. His tone of voice was low and steady, with both hands together placed on his lap. As I mimicked his every move, he began to open up to me. Once I felt I had established a rapport with him I decided to relax my posture, sitting back into the chair more comfortably. He soon followed and even unclasped his hands. I stopped shifting my eyes and looked directly in his as we spoke. Although he would still shift his eyes with the odd question, I found his eye contact to be much more consistent.
I began having fun with this and wanted to take it a step further by increasing the rate of which I spoke. As my tempo increased, I found him to become uncomfortable and return to his original stiff posture. Instead of matching him, I just slowed my speech back down to our normal level and within a few minutes he actually relaxed back down into the chair.
I felt I had great success with this mission. I found by matching their body position I was able to build a rapport with them, enough so that they eventually mirrored my physiology. It was fun to see how my speech changed the way they reacted, and being able to pick up on this and adjust the speed again so they could become comfortable.
Rachel Hill : Module 8 – The Process Instruction Exercise
The outcome was positive. I did the exercise with a client. the impact was amazing. They were able to do this exercise very quickly. We reviewed the process after they had gone through the process instruction exercise and described what happened. They were able to describe an earlier experience with friends and that dissociation gave them the ability to have an insight about the behaviors that were predominant in the group and the effect of these behaviors on others that he had previously not noticed and that were of a negative impact. His perspective on the behaviors now is vastly different than previously. Before he had seen it is friendly ribbing but now saw it as bullying and put downs and that the recipients were actually withdrawn and distant rather than what he thought of as participating. These insights he was able to bring into the future and has a new awareness of the type of ribbing that is not put downs and bullying but fun and being aware of the impact on the recipient. It was a hugely powerful insight into what he had considered ok behavior and is now seen as not ok and that he will use humor differently going forward.
My challenge was to ensure that I was pacing the client. I felt as if it went too fast but when I checked in with the client they said that it was amazing and just right.
Myles : Module 11 Stealth Mission.
I had an experience with car manager who had taken advantage of someone when she went to finalize the paperwork and sold her more extended warranty than she needed which resulted in her having a larger car payment. I went back to the dealer with her and sat down with him. At first he was adamant that the paperwork had gone through and there was nothing that could be done due to procedures, etc. As we continued to speak, I established more rapport with him trying some mirroring and matching tone, etc. Also gently challenged some of the things he said. Then I reframed it from a problem to a relationship. We have a poorer pressured teacher who now cannot afford the car but really wants it and does not want to have to try and void the contract. How can we help her? In the end, he increased the length of the warranty and reduced the cost (I imagine from their commission) saving her a large amount of money. I think the result would have been much different if I had gone in with a belligerent attitude and not take the time to build the rapport (pace) and reframe, etc.
I have had other experiences with this technique and found even over the phone that the ability to reframe things often causes a light bulb to go on and the perspective shifts. Again, often more effective than arguing but you have to take the time to talk to the person and build rapport.
By Juan Carlos Ferrer : Exercise 4 Masters level Module 2
The first memory I try to access is when I was in WATER: I remember that before I decided to move out of Luxembourg, I was feeling very down and unhappy. I felt like I was not in the right place, I felt like I was suffocating in this small country. I needed some new air but I felt stuck because I did not know what to do to change this… Where should I go? To do what? How is my wife going to feel about this?
From a kinesthetic point of view I felt like I had a constant big weight on top of my shoulders. It was a very intense internal state of sadness and feeling of being stuck.
On a visual point of view, the pictures I was seeing were far, framed and black and white, the light was dim, the quality was bad, even blurry. The images were still, nothing moves.
The auditory submodalities were internal; the volume of my voice was low and the rhythm was irregular.
When I access the feeling of being in FIRE, it is quite easy to me because I am very often in this state lately.
I feel energized and excited. My heart rate is quite fast, my breathing is shallow, I feel too hot most of the time.
I visualize my future, it’s very bright and right in front of me now. The colors are bright and happy, the intensity is high, the image is focused and panoramic. The movements are fast, there are no still pictures.
The volume is loud but not too loud, it is very clear.
The sound is stereo, even surround sound and very close. I am closely associated to the feeling, the pictures and the sound.
Now I access a state of being in EARTH. I am not often in this state, especially lately but I am definitely in this state when I am enjoying some time with my children.
I feel calm, my breathing is regular and deeper than usual, My heart rate has slowed down as well.
I see my two boys playing on top of the bed with me. My little one is trying to grab my glasses. The image is clear, the brightness is normal. The colors are light, with a dominance of white.
The scene is active, moving, there are no still pictures but the movements are slow.
The volume is normal, not too loud but I can hear the conversations clearly. The picture is right in front of me and panoramic.
For the last one, I am accessing a state of WIND.
I feel a cool breeze on my skin, my heart rate is slow, my breathing is very deep and regular. The temperature is cool and comfortable.
The colors are pastel and not so bright and with a lot of blue, green and pale rose…
I hear the nature sounds around me. The volume is reasonable.
I am dissociated from the outside world.
I feel very light…
The submodalities change drastically depending on the state I am in. especially my breathing, my heart rate and the weight is very important.
On the visual side, the colors and their intensity play a major role. Also, the proximity of the images and sounds are key here. Depending on the state you’re in, things become clear, bright, close and on the other hand, the more I go into water, everything becomes more distant, dark, blurry and dim.
Fathima Rawshan : Module 7 Psyche Builder
I wanted to solve bothering visuals of a rude person who hurts me with words often. I brought the image of that friend and push it at a distance little by little. While pushing it far, that image popped up in front of my eyes several time. I tried several times. At the end I could distance that image to very far until the the image looked like a tiny dot. Meanwhile, I changed the colorful scene to B/W. It was not tough. Then I played around with that irritating voice. I tried to reduce the volume. It went softer and softer. Also I altered the irritating tone to gentle and friendly tone. It was not easy to succeed at the first go. I had to try several times. There were times when the voice sounded even louder than the original. After several attempts I felt better. I felt relieved. For several days it remained so. But that irritating voice and image appeared time to time. Therefore, I had to do this whenever I felt disturbed. After doing this many times, I feel more relieved now. The face and the voice do not bother me any more.
Name Withheld : Module 8 Stealth Mission
I was having exactly yesterday a conversation with a friend. I didn’t know about perceptual positions but I was practicing them already. A wrote me and ask me how I am. Usually when she write me, she is not well. I am sort of like a friend who helps her when she needs someone. Although I was planning for a long meditation, I said I’m fine, is everything okay with you, as if it was I would have just gone for meditation. A said no, I’m not well. I asked what happened. A said, I’m upset because I had a fight with a friend of mine. I accused her of something ( which was in the end proved not true) and in reply she was very mean to me. I am very sad she was mean to me. Hearing the story of A, I told her , this is from your point of view, how about you look from her point of view, it’s not like I’m approving what she did or she didn’t, this in not my business to judge, but put yourself from her point of view. How she must be feeling in that situation? A replied, must be upset and that why is reacting like this, but I’m still upset by what she said. Okay, then I told her, look at the situation from outside, look at you and her ( I used here dissociation that I learned in the previous modules), and the way you reacted. What do you get from it? She said, well I was also very mean and probably I heart her a lot, its my mistake to begin with. It was not nice for her to say those things to me back but I will forgive her for what she said and I will ask her to forgive me for what I said. It was all a misunderstanding that created a big mess. We took further the conversation, this was a part of it. I didn’t influence her, I just told her to look at the situation from different perspective, and it helped a lot.
Viv Woolley : Question I Module 2
I chose one of my therapeutic yoga students for my Stealth Mission subject. Melissa had an extremely traumatic childhood and as an adult has numerous auto-immune disorders. A great deal of pain is held in both her emotional body as well as her physical body. When I first met her a year ago, Melissa was unable to differentiate between types of pain, saying “Pain is pain. It just hurts” rather than being able to describe for me what the pain felt like or how it manifested when triggered. She is hyper-vigilant and guarded, and prefers to keep a strict set of self-imposed rules about what will aid her recovery and what will not regardless of evidence to the contrary. She has made much progress over the last year of our working together but recently mentioned to me that she “feels stuck.” I was curious about which of the representational systems would be dominate in Melissa, and how I may be able to help her to investigate her feelings in a non-threatening way that would allow her to move past her stuck places. We began our conversation about how her body had felt since our last session in which I added several yoga poses that were meant to challenge her physically and perhaps push her limits a bit to help ‘unstick’ her. As she responded to my questions, I kept careful watch on her eyes and listened for clues that would aid in uncovering her representational system. I realized very quickly that Melissa was using a great deal of auditory cues with her eye movements but her words expressed more visual cuing. On one particular question, she hesitated before moving her eyes quickly up and to her left (visual remembered) and from there even more quickly horizontally to her left (auditory remembered), and finally down and to her left (auditory digital) before giving me an answer. I was fascinated! Each question following seemed to validate that she was using an auditory representational system to access her memory but replying in a slightly more visual means. For instance, following the question, “Do you think that pain was triggered by the work that we did or by something else?” her eyes moved down and to her left (auditory digital), suggesting that she was listening inward to her own voice before she answered, “Well, at first it seemed that I had a lot of energy after class, which is unusual, but then later… I don’t know, it was weird. I guess in hindsight maybe I had so much energy that I overdid it, as usual.” Understanding Melissa’s representational system will benefit our time together greatly. I have come to realize that I use a kinestheic representational system when communicating, and for Melissa, her feelings are something that she hasn’t been in touch with for more than 15 years because the memories are too painful. I have been asking her what something “feels like” and feelings are a fearful place for her to go! The last thing that she wants to do is remember the hurt that is behind the physical problems! I am so humbled and grateful that just within the scope of Module 2 I have been given a tool that will allow me to mirror her communication style and equally important, reframe questions that potentially cause her to move further away from her feelings.
JadeTrayner : Module 7 Psyche Builder
For the purpose of this Psyche Builder I have chosen to use an image of my partner practicing his guitar. Prior to this exercise, the repetitive songs practiced by my partner would bring about emotions of frustration and stress. When observing the contributing submodalties, I found that the Visual size and distance were quite large and almost so close as to be on top of me. The Auditory location and distance surrounded me and would consume me. Clarity was exact and the volume was as if I were wearing eye phones. In order to function I needed to alter this image dramatically. I began by working on the Visual. I pushed the image into the distance and in turn shrunk its size as it drifted away. I found that even in doing that, the Auditory was still consuming. I began to allow the sound to drift into the distance with the image and the sound began to get quieter. However when he was close in real life this did not seem to be enough. I began to tune into the other noises around me. the soft crickets, the sound of my own relaxing breath. I turned the volume of those sounds up and brought them closer to my awareness. Soon I found myself completely disassociated from the guitar music as to no notice him playing at all. Now when I choose to tune into him playing it is my choice. I can enjoy watching him in his element even if it mean I am not completely listening.